Amelie is a horrible French movie. Of course, everyone loves it because they're retarded and watch movies with a happy/joyful edge to them because it gives them a false sense of happiness about their own lives. Obviously I need not this falsity and all these happy movies are as annoying as happy thrash (aka American thrash metal).

It's like the Kevin Costner film The Postman. What's it about? In the post-apocalyptic chaotic world a traveling entertainer, played by Costner, dons the outfit of a long dead postal worker for warmth. Then he decides to deliver those old ass letters as a scam so he can get food and shelter. He makes up lies about the United States Government being restored and he's a real new postal worker. It's all a scam at first but he eventually starts helping people because he wants to and risks his life many times to deliver the mail. If only nowadays postal workers were this motivated. It's so cheesy, long, and ridiculous... it's laughably bad.

Amelie is similar.

Of course there's obvious differences. This is a French movie and its set in the modern times and not in the post-apocalyptic wasteland.

What's this movie about? It's about an asocial, shy, young French woman who decides to go around helping people out and improving their lives. Note: I'll be spoiling parts of the movie very shortly so if you actually plan on seeing it, stop reading.

Parts of the movie are funny. Parts of it are good. But overall... it's a heap of whale shit.

Amelie is this dumb retarded bitch with a godawful smile that haunts most of the movie. She's a laughable failure and is for the most part shunned from society and converses with very few people. Then all the sudden she finds some box hidden in her apartment belonging to some kid 50 years ago and decides to find the guy to give him back the box.

She succeeds but she never tells the guy she did it. She's always hiding around leaving clues because she's a pussy shy bitch. But this is contradictory. Around her co-workers she's open and friendly. And even to neighbors she isn't shy to go around and talk to them. I love the part where this old frail man who she has never seen before in her life invites her to his apartment to talk. She accepts and she's rummaging through his stuff looking through his paintings and commenting on them.

You're telling me she's shy?

But when it comes to delivering a 50 year old box she can't just go up to the dude and say here's the box. She has to leave it in a phone booth and call the booth to get the guys attention to pick up the phone and see the box lying on the floor.

She tries to help her father out who's locked himself up in his house and grown completely distant from society after his wife died many years ago.

How does she help him? She wants him to go out and travel. How does she convince him? She steals one of his garden gnomes and sends him anonymous letters with pictures of the gnome in Moscow, New York City, etc. At the end of the movie the gnome is back at his house and he packs his bags and leaves to go travel.

What in the fuck?

This other woman has gone crazy because her husband cheated on her and moved to Panama with his new girlfriend but died in the plane crash... 40 years ago and this bitch still can't let it go. What does good ol' Amelie do? She writes a forged letter from the husband claiming it was recovered recently. In it it states the husband has done a grave mistake and wishes to come back.

Wow. Better to live a lie than live in reality eh?

Then of course Amelie has her own problem. She falls in love with an equally retarded bimbo. His name is Nino. He works in a porno store and in his spare time he goes around photo booths and finds pictures that people threw out and posts them all in a photo album. Nice catch, eh? One day Nino looses the album and Amelie finds it. She gets in touch with him to return the album but because she's so asocial and shy it becomes a game of cat and mouse. She leaves a clue "Meet me here at this time" he goes there looking for her but she's hiding, he gets the album back but wants to meet her so he finds another note "if you want to meet me go here at this time." So this shit continues. If I was Nino I would've said "Fuck this bitch. She's obviously crazy if she keeps leaving me notes telling me to meet her and whenever I do she's hiding and then runs away." But no Nino keeps doing this nonsense.

Eventually she grows balls and at the end of the movie he shows up to her apartment and they fuck.

What a bunch of happy, unrealistic nonsense.

This movie is retarded. On the IMDB forums one guy wrote:

"She helps the blind man cross the road for those few moments she restores his sight......??

I'm a guy and no matter how many times i see it I always shed a tear...... "

What a goddamn pussy. Grow some balls, man.

They don't make movies like they used to. People should watch shit like THX 1138, Escape From New York, Mad Max, Blade Runner, etc not this pussy happy romance drivel...